Shit, Let's Raid Area 51
by caubool
Summary: TG: hey rose TT: Yes, Dave? TG: so i was thinking TG: what if we aka you me roxy dirk john jade jane jake raided area 51 like fr TT: Then we would be shot full of holes. TG: ok but ignoring the guns
1. TG: Gather support

-turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 2:49:18 on 25-07-2019-

****Intercepted on 29-07-2019 by J. L. Madison AID34589.2****

TG: rose

TG: hey

TG: hey rose

TG: hey

TG: rose rose rose

TG: rosie

TG: roshilda

TG: roliath

TG: roomba

TG: zoomba

TG: zumba?

TG: rose

TG: hey hey hey hey hey

TG: im not going to stop fyi so you better pick up

TG: hey rose

TT: Yes, Dave?

TG: so i was thinking

TG: what if we aka you me roxy dirk john jade jane jake raided area 51 like fr

TT: Then we would be shot full of holes.

TG: ok but ignoring the guns

TT: This better not be a ploy to try and meet Lil' Nas. We all know he's your idol but there are much better ways of going about it.

TG: no shut up

TG: lil nas is a fucking treasure and i will meet him through twitter or cake boss or hopefully both

TG: i mean like actually raiding area 51 cause were all lonely as fuck and if our alien waifus are being held captive then shit

TG: lets raid area 51

TT: How much time have you been spending with our dear eldest brother?

TG: rose

TG: i am dead ass serious

TG: its the perfect get together

TG: we all show up

TG: maybe cry a bit because holy shit its our first ever meet up and everyones hella sweaty cause were in a desert but its all whatever cause hell yeah thats my best friend and his entire weird family

TG: sup john

TG: john: sup dave!

TG: let me hug you bro completely platonic get your ass over here and into my arms

TG: john: dave thats gay!

TG: no i said platonic duh

TG: john: ok then hug time!

TG: hug time

TG: and then like a million people show up with musicians on their backs already singing power ballads with sweet amps and a battle cry goes up and we start raiding the place

TG: we bust in around back with the furry squad

TG: cause jade will insist

TG: and we see all those aliens kept in cages and were all hell naw

TG: guns and needles and forks and hammers and swords start flying everywhere

TG: its chaos

TG: chaos rose

TT: Mmhm.

TG: so we see these aliens

TG: and we break them out

TG: and its like those old collectable toy brands 'theres one for everyone!' that jingle we should sing the jingle breaking them out

TG: anyways

TG: so we all get a sweet alien waifu

TG: a dark vanmpire lady for you

TT: Oh thank you.

TG: youre welcome

TG: a crazy fun one for me

TG: john will probably fall for the evil one because he stans loki

TG: coward

TG: if youre going to stan a villain unironically pick one that isnt greaseball mcsleeze dick loki

TG: but yeah john will probably get loki or a cosplayer or something idk

TG: and the rest of our group gets their new signifigant other via the raid and we head to del taco like a block away and get tacos with our new alien pals before we go home

TG: its literally perfect

TT: I see. Well, if you manage to accrew support from the rest of the group then I will gladly accompany you all to our very early graves. So long as, of course, my future biography on the entire raid is well over 1,000 pages in length.

TG: fuckin done

TG: ill contact some of my wicked fans about that biography

TT: Wonderful.

TT: And Dave?

TG: yea?

TT: Go to bed it's 3 in the morning.

TG: nah but thanks i guess

TT: Of course. Get well soon, brother mine.

-tentacleTherapist [TT] has stopped pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 3:08:27 on 25-07-2019-

-turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 3:09:01 on 25-07-2019-

****Intercepted on 29-07-2019 by J. L. Madison AID34589.2****

TG: hey dirk

TT: Yeah, Dave?

TG: lets raid area 51

TT: Cool. When?

TG: september 20

TT: I'll mark it down. Want me to check with my side?

TG: yeah that would be super helpful

TT: Then it's done. Talk to you later Dave.

TG: man just say ttyl

TT: No.

TT: That's too old.

TT: Do you think I'm old, Dave?

TG: older than the ocean

TT: Damn.

TT: TTYL.

TG: peace

-turntechGodhead [TG] has stopped pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 3:10:12 on 25-07-2019-

-turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 3:10:53 on 25-07-2019-

****Intercepted on 29-07-2019 by J. L. Madison AID34589.2****

TG: hey john

TG: i know its super late but pester me when you get up

TG: ive got a bitchin idea that needs your egberty charm to woo rose into the idea too

TG: dont actually flirt with my sister

TG: either of them

TG: for the sake of my sanity

TG: dont flirt with dirk either

TG: covering all my bases

TG: the harlengcrockerberts are wily fucks and i dont trust you not to flirt with any of my siblings

TG: stg you insinuate mackin on any of my sibs i die

TG: you wanna be responsible for my death? huh? wanna pay for the funeral?

TG: you date roxy then let her cry on your shoulder during my funeral i see you john

TG: i

TG: see

TG: you

TG: yeah so hit me back when youre up

-turntechGodhead [TG] has stopped pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 3:11:29 on 25-07-2019-

-turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 3:12:03 on 25-07-2019-

****Intercepted on 29-07-2019 by J. L. Madison AID34589.2****

GG: hey dave!

TG: oh shit

TG: hey harley

TG: didnt think youd be awake

GG: its 9 am dummy!

TG: oh shit

TG: timezones

TG: fuck

GG: fuck indeed ;D

GG: whatcha need brooooooo?

GG: how many o's are in a good bro?

TG: as many os as a bro earns

TG: i wanna raid area 51

TG: the dave army needs YOU

TG: /a/8dDSZlc

TG: see what i did there

GG: he he he! i do see what you did there!

GG: but i was already planning on going to the raid ;0

TG: oh sick

TG: is jake coming?

GG: duh!

TG: awesome

TG: can you go bug my sister into joining

TG: please

TG: pretty please

TG: with furbies on top

GG: roxy?

TG: no rose

GG: rose is already going! i asked her weeks ago!

TG: w

TG: harley give me a moment

GG: of course!

GG: bye dave!

-turntechGodhead [TG] has stopped pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 3:13:24 on 25-07-2019-

-turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 3:13:58 on 25-07-2019-

****Intercepted on 29-07-2019 by J. L. Madison AID34589.2****

TG: rose youre full of shit

TT: Why, whatever are you talking about, David?

-turntechGodhead [TG] has stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 3:14:09 on 25-07-2019-

****JLMADS: Note: All members of the group OG_413#612 have at this point in the 90012 timeline agreed to venture to Area 51. Will report with future conversations as they appear. Ready project ASPECT.****


	2. Characters: Make Drama

Internal Report-Provided by Senior Analyst and RECON-T Viewer Jim L. Madison AID34589.2

Time: 16:00:00 on 30/7/2019 tlv: 90012

Audio Interrogation Report #4 with AAID02.10 designation: "SOLLUX CAPTOR"

* * *

JLM: Good evening.

02: Get fucked

JLM: *laughter heard*

JLM: Hostile tonight, are we?

02: No shit. I wonder why. The reason is beyond this piss-filled half fried pan. I'm lost. I'm just so lost.

JLM: Now, now, this is all going to be recorded!

02: Yeah, I know.

JLM: Oh? Wonderful, then let's get started and skip over all the introductions. With less swearing please.

02: No no, I changed my mind, do the introductions. You sound like such an asshole every time you start and at this point anything that makes me even kinda laugh at night I'll take it, even if it's straight out of your double dipped accidental slurry shovelling face.

-silence for 00:00:29-

JLM: Sure are creative.

02: Bite me.

JLM: What is your name?

02: Collux Saptor.

JLM: How old are you?

02: A bazillion sweeps.

JLM: When did you land on this planet?

02: Your mayhm.

JLM: It's mom.

AUDIO: *unintelligible static*

JLM: Hmm.

JLM: Anyways, what is your purpose on this planet?

02: To get absolutely wasted and die in a ditch.

JLM: I can see you're not taking this very seriously.

02: I'm just done.

JLM: Done?

02: Don't care. Uncooperative. Distant. Aggrivated. Annoyed into not giving a fuck. Shit, you got a dictionary?

JLM: Why are you "done"?

02: Don't act like you don't know.

-silence for 00:00:59-

02: Seriously?! You're going to act all high and mighty NOW?! You fucking

AUDIO:*unintelligible static*

JLM: Is this a result of zero-zero-one's termination?

02: HER NAME IS ARADIA!

JLM: Aradia's termination, then.

02: How can you SAY it like that? She wasn't terminated you culled her! You bastards CULLED her! She was alive and now she's not, that's not termination that's MURDER! You took her away from me and now you want to shrug it off like a routine thing, what is WRONG with you?!

JLM: This is Madison, requesting sedation.

02: YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM THIS! I'M GOING TO TEAR YOUR WIND TUBE STRAIGHT FROM YOUR NECK!

AUDIO: *unintelligible static*

The rest of the audial report has been corrupted. See video file #02.04.4 for further description.

_Passing Time by Maya Angelou_

_Your skin like dawn_

_Mine like musk_

_One paints the beginning_

_of a certain end._

_The other, the end of a_

_sure beginning._

-ectoBiologist[EB] has started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:39:21 on 25/07/2019-

****Intercepted on 29-07-2019 by F. M. Ghas AID46881.4****

EB: dave!

EB: why were you up so early! do you even sleep?

TG: why john

TG: you should know by now

EB: sleep is for the weak

TG: yes exactly

EB: dude when you die from not sleeping im getting howie mandel to pee on your grave!

TG: dont use my jokes against me

TG: thats so uncool

TG: that should count as plagarism or maybe a double standard

TG: to take my own fucking amo and shoot it straight back in my face

TG: youre stealing strider property egderp

TG: you better cough up a reason or my dad is going to beat your dads ass and then your ass because he works at microsoft and is secretly hatsune miku

TG: you better prepare to get a leek to the ass john because once miku is on the shit she is on the shit

TG: dirk says that miku could beat his ass and hed still lick her boots and honestly idk if he was joking so like im kinda concerned about that

TG: but w/e because miku will be your problem soon so ill be able to stop worrying about dirks weird ass kinks

EB: dave thats

EB: thats way too much

TG: ?

EB: ugh! nevermind!

EB: so why did you pester me last night?

TG: were gonna raid area 51

EB: like actually for real going to nevada raid area 51?

TG: on god

EB: like everyone?

TG: everyone

EB: and i cant flirt with roxy?

TG: john

EB: kidding!

EB: roxy is really fun to hang out with though

TG: john

TG: im having a fucking annurysm

EB: that doesnt look right

TG: me having an anuhurismmmk?

TG: i cant type john cause im actually dying

TG: the nurses are screaming

TG: how could such a talented kid die so soon?

TG: didnt even get that make a wish foundation all over my bucketlist

TG: do you know how much i wanted to have a rap off with will smith?

TG: be aggressively featured in youtube rewind?

TG: be on cake boss?

EB: who even watches cake boss?

TG: you will john

TG: you will

TG: as i lay here in this gnarly hospital bed youre going to let my ghost live on vicariously through you

TG: cake boss is your new favorite show

TG: you cant run from your responsibilities

TG: as my best friend you gotta step up to the plate

EB: why cant rose or dirk do it?

TG: because theyre planning my mausoleum keep up

EB: oh my god

TG: come on bro take the l

TG: watch cake boss like youve never watched anything else before

TG: snakes on a plane?

TG: never heard of her

TG: marvel stage 4?

TG: cancelled

EB: does that count the loki show

TG: yeah, duh

EB: :0

EB: thats bullshit!

EB: friendship goes two ways dave!

EB: that means i get to watch the loki show and your ghost can get fucked!

EB: im serious dont test me!

TG: i guess roxy could do it if you really dont wanna

EB: roxy wont be available

TG: what? why?

EB: because shell be too busy making out with me ;B

TG: hkbafhbkfbh; .hqijp

TG: i hate you i hate you so fucking much god fucking damit

EB: you make it too easy!

TG: shut the fuck up

TG: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhut the fuck up

TG: shut up

TG: im hating you right now

EB: ill send you pictures

TG: thats it

TG: im done

TG: be in lincoln county nevada september 20

TG: or earlier

TG: idk just like clear all of septeber we havent really made any concrete plans yet

EB: ill ask my dad!

TG: you do that

TG: im going to try and fail to recover from what youve done to me

EB: and take care of your arm too right?

TG: oh uh

TG: yeah that too i guess

TG: man what is up with people bringing up shit at the end of conversations?

EB: its a good time to bring shit up

TG: whatever you say egbro

EB: see ya dave!

TG: see ya

-turntechGodhead [TG] has stopped pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 12:07:30 on 25/07/2019-

_Excerpt from "Controversially, Physicist Argues Time Is Real" by Clara Moskowitz on 26/04/2013 at 11:07 ET_

_[Lee] Smolin said he hadn't come to this concept lightly. He started out thinking, as most physicists do, that time is subjective and illusory. According to Albert Einstein's theory of general relativity, time is just another dimension in space, traversable in either direction, and our human perception of moments passing steadily and sequentially is all in our heads._

_Over time, though, Smolin became convinced not only that time was real, but that this notion could be the key to understanding the laws of nature._

_"If laws are outside of time, then they're inexplicable," he said. "If law just simply is, there's no explanation. If we want to understand law … then law must evolve, law must change, law must be subject to time. Law then emerges from time and is subject to time rather than the reverse."_

_Smolin admitted there are objections to this idea, especially what he calls "the meta-law dilemma:" If physical laws are subject to time, and evolve over time, then there must be some larger law that guides their evolution._

**Notes in the margins: space, proved. time, not proved? must be for story #413_612 to work. lee smolin time player? mind? needs investigation**

Video Transcript #02.04.4

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

02.10 is seated at the interrogation table, hands bound and translator afixed. All is standard. Jim Madison (27) enters the room and sets up the audio recorder. Jim is relaxed. No reaction from 02.10.

Jim begins the interrogation, probing at 02.10's emotional reaction to 001.02's termination to make room for 02.02 in project ASPECT. 02.10 is readily agitated, static occuring in the audio after activation of electokinisis. The second and third static moments were accompanied by unfiltered alien dialect. Likely, 02.10's electrokinisis frying the translator while it yelled. [Linguists Report: Static likely to be about 'moirailegence', several instances of the words 'moirail superior mine' being heard after fiddling with the audio sufficiently.]

02.10 fires a concentrated blast through Jim Madison, who then falls to the floor.

The sedation team arrive in the room roughly ten seconds after, tranquilizing 02.10. 02.10 falls onto the table and is removed from the interrogation site. Minor force applied.

00:03:12 passes before Jim Madison (30) enters the room and retrieves his body for disposal.

END TRANSMISSION.

-tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has started pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 17:52:14 on 29/07/2019-

****Intercepted on 29-07-2019 by F. M. Ghas AID46881.4****

TG: hey dirk

TT: Yes?

TG: can i call u? please?

TT: Of course, are you okay?

TG: ill b fine

TG: just need to hear ur voice 4 a bit

-tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has stopped pestering timeaeusTestified [TT] at 17:54:00 on 29/07/2019-

Audio Transcript Recorded: Phone Call Between 06.12 and 08.04 at 17:54:03 on 29/07/2019

Designations: "ROXY LALONDE" & "DIRK STRIDER"

ROXY: Hey Dirk...

DIRK: Hey Roxy

AUDIO: *sniffing is heard*

DIRK: Roxy?

DIRK: Are you sure you're alright?

ROXY: Tell me about your day.

DIRK: You didn't answer my question.

ROXY: Just tell me about your day, just tell me please, dirk pleas-

DIRK: Okay. Okay.

DIRK: I was working on Hal. He wanted to try driving a roomba and I warned him about it. He didn't listen. So he was Haloomba for a good few hours there. I can send you the video I took of him being a giant moron cursing out walls and chairs and stuff for getting in the way. Roombas don't have eyes. Uhhhh, let's see...

DIRK: Bought some plane tickets for the raid. Visited Dave, well, visiting, I'm still here. But I'm in the bathroom now, where all deep talks are required to happen.

DIRK: Are you in a bathroom?

ROXY: I'm safe, yeah.

DIRK: Cool.

ROXY: What are you gonna do tonight?

DIRK: Don't know yet. I'm thinking of watching transformers: animated just because I haven't in a while. I'm going to maybe grab some hospital dinner first I think, eat with Dave, chill, you know. Later I'll probably head roof-ways and train a bit. I might do some stupid programming shit, crash on the couch, repeat. Same soup, just reheated.

DIRK: How was your day?

ROXY: Whiskers.

DIRK: Okay.

DIRK: My favorite transformer isn't Prowl. We have the same glasses, yeah, but he's got a giant stick up his ass- sorry, AFT- and has a weird nature kink. Not that I have any room to judge on kinks but like damn dude.

DIRK: My favorite isn't Optimus Prime either. His face doesn't match his voice. It's like Jake's movie protagonist's chisled faces combined with his bad American accent. It's fucked.

DIRK: Bumblebee is just constantly getting wrecked. If the writers ever need to make the stakes higher they just try to kill Bumblebee and there we go. Stakes are raised higher than a particularly vertically untroubled cow.

DIRK: I like Bulkhead actually. Iron Giant looking motherfucker. He turns into that enlister truck that takes away Wendy's Husband in Peter Pan 2 and he has a wrecking ball hand for absolutely no reason. It's beautiful, and he's beautiful.

DIRK: Not to mention that thick, juicy, aaaaaaaft.

AUDIO: *wet snort*

DIRK: Right?

DIRK: Can you tell me what's up with you yet?

DIRK: Do I have to tell you about how sexy Bulkhead is in more explicit detail?

ROXY: No, no, thank you.

ROXY: I uh-

AUDIO: *snif*

ROXY: I told Janey that I liked her...

DIRK: And?

ROXY: She doesn't like me back, oops. Her words. She wasn't mean but like I really wish she had been because then I could move on lickety split and we could be bffs again but she was so fucking nice about it.

ROXY: I just wanted her to yell at me or condemn me or just fucking-

ROXY: I don't know...

ROXY: She knows about the other thing too bee-tee-dubs.

DIRK: Oh.

ROXY: Yeah, oh.

DIRK: That wasn't-

ROXY: No it wasn't part of it.

DIRK: Okay.

DIRK: I'm sorry, Roxy.

ROXY: It's okay.

DIRK: No, it's not. If it were okay you wouldn't be crying about it.

ROXY: Then thank you. For being you.

DIRK: You're welcome. I'm glad if I could help in any way.

ROXY: You did. You did.

ROXY: I feel better. You're a good brother, okay?

DIRK: Thanks, Rox. You're a good sibling, too.

ROXY: I'm gonna go drown in blankets and video games and Rosie's scarves.

DIRK: Okay. I'll be awake all night, call if you need.

ROXY: I will. I love you.

DIRK: Love you too. Bye.


	3. AG: Reach Out

Audial Transcript of Security SystemDesignation "GOOGLE HOME"

Location: Seattle, Washington 47°42'10.5"N 122°21'18.3"W

Conversation between 01.07 & 05.09 Designations: "JOHN EGBERT" & "JANE CROCKER"

Provided by J. L. Madison AID34589.2 on 30/07/2019 about recording taken on 29/07/2019 from 17:51:36 to 18:09:22

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

AUDIO: *knocking on wood, three raps*

JANE: Hey, John? Do you have a minute?

JOHN: Huh? Uh, yeah sure! Come on in.

JANE: Am I interrupting? Oh-

JOHN: What's that face for? It's just a tik tok compilation.

JANE: Buddy...

JOHN: Wha- Come on! Tik toks can be funny! Plus the effects are pretty cool!

JANE: Buddy...

JOHN: Arg! Stop criticizing me!

JOHN: Is there a point to all this or can I get back to enjoying PEAK COMEDY on my own?

JANE: Sorry not sorry, but yes I do need to talk with you.

JOHN: How serious is this talk?

JANE: So serious.

JOHN: Oh boy. Should we have dad officiate or something?

JANE: I'd...rather not talk to dad about this.

JANE: It's a bit embarrassing.

JOHN: Oh?

JANE: Put that face away, buster!

JOHN: What? This face?

JANE: You wily rascal! Listen up!

JOHN: I am listening up! I am!

JANE: Are you?

JOHN: Cross my heart and hope to die!

JANE: HMMMMMMMMM.

JANE: Acceptable.

JANE: Okay so-

JOHN: Wait...is this...?

JOHN: Girl problems?

JANE: John! Pipe down and let me tell you!

JOHN: Oh god it IS! Whatever it is I don't wanna know! Ask dad to buy more peroxide or something!

JANE: JOHN!

AUDIO: *soft impact sounds, likely pillow against body, heard repeatedly*

JOHN: Ahh! I'm sorry! I take it back! Waugh!

AUDIO: *loud impact sound, likely body against floor*

JOHN: What did you do that for?!

JANE: You were being obnoxious!

JOHN: You didn't have to throw me off the bed!

JANE: Can it! I'm going to talk now and you can't stop me! So ripen those ear cannals of yours and zip it, mister!

JOHN: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Fiiiiiiiine.

JANE: Thank you!

JANE: Okay so Roxy started pestering me about five minutes ago. And she told me that she liked me! I was very surprised! So surprised that I'm still kind of freaking out about it? You know that one Office with the fire episode? That's me right now. What's the procedure? STAY FUCKING CALM. What's the procedure, what's the procedure?

JANE: How long has this been going on for? And how did I never see it!

JANE: I tried to let her down easy, because she's my best friend and all, but I can't help but wonder if I should have just gone along with the whole thing. Maybe I'm just being weird and ooky and maybe Roxy and I would get on famously! I really don't know. This probably took a lot of courage, especially when she er, nevermind. I don't want Roxy to hate me but what if I made the wrong decision?

JANE: Was this fate clapping me about the face and yelling at me to get in gear? I certainly don't *think* I like Roxy, but I don't know for sure! Am I just being paranoid? Should I ask Dirk? No. No not Dirk. Rose? It's hard to get a straight answer out of either but I trust Rose's more sapphic instincts in this matter.

JOHN: So why are you talking to me? Cause this sure sounds like girl problems.

JANE: Because I want to spend more time with you and tell you things!

JOHN: If you wanna vent then just go for it.

JANE: I don't just want to vent, I want advice!

JANE: Don't you have some silly youngster wisdom in that tangled heap of hair on your head?

JOHN: What do you want me to say! It's not like I've dated anyone before!

JOHN: Just like, I dunno, be supportive? Don't just brush it aside? Be direct and honest and stuff?

JANE: Oh how very wise, I'd never considered.

JOHN: Hey, that's all my wisdom ever so take it or leave it.

AUDIO: *sigh*

JANE: I'll take it.

JOHN: Awesome.

-silence for 00:00:16-

JANE: But what if-

JOHN: OH MY GOD!

JOHN: Just do something!

JOHN: As someone who's been forced into shitty movie marathons with Dave, let me tell you, the most annoying trope is when the heroes won't say shit to each other! Miscommunication is dumb! And anyone who thinks dancing that dance is interesting is a lying bastard!

JOHN: So stop saying 'oh what if oh no oh dearie me oh pllbbbttttt'!

JOHN: In the ever wise words of Lord Shia-

JOHN: JUST DO IT!

JANE: Well.

JOHN: Well?

JANE: Well, shucks buster. You're right.

JANE: Doesn't mean you get to yell at me, you doofus!

JOHN: Go! Go! Go!

JANE: Jesus Christ, John! I will!

JANE: But first...

JANE: Is there anything you want to get off your chest?

JANE: I'm your wonderful big sister and I can help you with anything.

JOHN: Uhhhh...

JOHN: Not really?

JOHN: I mean the shower's kinda cold at night so if you could take faster showers that'd be pretty nice.

JANE: Is that it?

JANE: No unfolding drama?

JOHN: Drama is so...

JOHN: Dramatic.

JOHN: I'd just rather not.

JANE: That's completely fair.

JOHN: Well. Okay, I have been sitting on something for a while now.

JANE: Oh?

JOHN: It's just a me thing but like try not to judge me too hard?

JANE: I would never!

JOHN: Okay.

JOHN: So y'know tik tok-?

JOHN: Stop making that face whenever I bring it up!

JANE: Sorry! Continue.

JOHN: So anyways.

JOHN: I was on tik tok and I made a video where it was basically smack cam but I ran up to the pool cashier ladies and sprayed them with canned cheese and then the video cut to me in a car with police sirens on and-

JANE: This was last month. I remember this!

JOHN: Yes, yes, last month, whatever. So I made that tik tok, right?

JOHN: So someone commented: "lm8o i'm dyyyyyyyying!" Which was really fucking weird, right? So I asked Dirk- well, no, I asked Dave who asked Hal who asked Dirk but whatever- so I asked him to look up the IP and their location.

JOHN: And he told me it was from the International Space Station? Somehow?

JOHN: So some weird astronaut likes my tik toks now? What do I do with that information? It's been bugging me for like two whole weeks!

JANE: Wow that's...

JANE: Really silly...

JOHN: Hey! You asked!

JANE: Mmhm.

JANE: Okie-doke, well I'm done asking now.

JANE: But come to me if something ever does happen, you got that you wily little monster?

JOHN: Augh! Hey! Watch it!

JANE: Oh please! Your hair is already mussed to the far reaches and back, a little more won't make a lick-a-difference!

JOHN: It's the principle of the thing!

JOHN: Now shoo! Go take care of your girl problems!

JANE: Jesus, lord above. Whatever has the youth come to nowadays...

JOHN: Goooooooooooooooo!

AUDIO: *shuffling, muffled*

JANE: I'm going!

JOHN: Go faster!

JANE: Hoo! Hoo!

JANE: Bye Jooohn!

JOHN: Bye Jaaaaaaaane!

JANE: Bye Joooooooooooohn!

JOHN: Bye Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!

JANE: Bye Joooooooooooooooooooooooooohn!

AUDIO: *soft click, likely a door closing*

END TRANSMISSION

Medical Report

Houstin Mercy Hospis and Pediatrics

07/23/2019

Practicing Doctor: Loraine Heeps

Nurses Assisting: Nick James, Kim Nguyen, Eilis Brown

Patient Name: Dave Elizabeth Strider

Date of Birth: December 3rd 2004

Patient Sex: Male

Parent/Guardian: Broderick Strider Roxanne Lalonde

Visitation Given: Dirk Strider, Rose Lalonde, Roxy Lalonde

PHYSICIAN'S REPORT

DISEASE or CONDITION

Fractured humorous, concussion, notable nutrition deficiancy.

DAYS OF TREATMENT

2 days, 3 nights for the arm. 4 extra days for holding and establishing psychological state as well as necessary nutrition watch.

DIAGNOSIS

Dave Strider was under an abusive guardian, arm was broken cleanly and with precision. Once treatment has been administered I recommend a therapist be appointed to both Dave Strider and Dirk Strider. Concussion and the nutrition deficiancy should cause minimal long term effects. Proceed with caution and care. Nurse Eilis has been tasked with one night watch to ensure the concussion does not worsen as he sleeps.

Caged Bird by Maya Angelou

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing

-gardenGnostic [GG] has started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 16:48:42 on 09/07/2019-

****Intercepted on 13/07/2019 by F. M. Ghas AID46881.4****

GG: hey rose!

GG: i have a question for you if youve got the time

TT: For you?

TT: Always.

TT: Please, do go on.

GG: nice!

GG: so have you seen that area 51 meme going around recently?

TT: Indeed I have.

GG: what if...

GG: we all went together!

GG: im tired of skype and phone calls and these logs!

GG: i just want to meet all of you in person already!

GG: so we should all try and raid the place together!

TT: My, that is quite the undertaking.

TT: What makes you think we'll be successful?

GG: me and jake are really good with guns!

GG: plus dirk and roxy are expert hackers!

GG: john and jane could prank their way out of the white house lock box!

GG: and you and dave are so clever and smart no doubt youd figure out a way to get through everything!

TT: Oh, why thank you Jade. Your compliments do a number on a weathered soul.

GG: weathered soul?

TT: Forgive me, I'm trying out an emo phase.

GG: oh!

GG: cool!

TT: Nevertheless, this idea intrigues me. Certainly it would be a challenge. If, absolutely ridiculous, naturally.

GG: naturally

TT: I would like to see you in person as well as all our other lovely friend group members. Likely we would all go in pure jest and simply hang out in Nevada for a few days.

TT: Something I am very unopposed to. One might even say I support the idea whole heartedly.

TT: But what if, say, a sudden moral quandry appears?

GG: ooh!

GG: what kind of moral quandry *eyebrow wiggles*?

TT: What if aliens were truly being held in Area 51 and were being terribly mistreated under the government's less than ideal care? Would we still break them out with the raid? Or let the entire thing slip back under the sheer silk blanket of meme culture to be burried and nostalgically referenced months in the future among the likes of darling Pepe and the far too young Vine?

TT: What, perchance, would we do then? We certainly have a responsibility to this world. Parents, school, and the such. But this would be our chance to extend past all that and into protagonists.

TT: Would we struggle and die for an unknowable cause? Or merely go on with life and pray that she yet be merciful?

GG: hmm...

GG: we'd go and save the aliens of course!

TT: What leads you to that conclusion, Dr. Harley?

GG: well professor lalonde its because were all good people who make the right decision!

GG: and clearly dying for a nobel cause

GG: even if really really fucking stupid!

GG: is the rightest decision we could make!

TT: I see, thank you for this input Dr. Harley.

GG: of course professor!

TT: Then count me in for this potential raid, certainly a good decision would feel nice as this wallowed and miserable husk shambles on with her life.

GG: hey now!

GG: that husk is one of my best friends so :p

TT: Oh!

TT: Dearest Harley you bring a flush to my face.

GG: and keep it there cause its pretty and you deserve to be pretty!

TT: Thank you.

GG: anytime!

TT: Good evening Dr. Harley.

GG: good day professor lalonde!

GG: are we still on for friday?

TT: Naturally. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

GG: sweet!

GG: see you soon!

-gardenGnostic [GG] has stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 16:53:31 on 09/07/2019-

Excerpt from "What Is A Universe Really?" by Ian Simna on March 5th, 2011 on their blog "NamsDay"

Dylan Berry says that there are four components to the universe. Water, fire, vinyl, and plastic. And to some degree I agree with him. However there must be more to life than rocking tunes and forest fires, right?

So I did a little digging and observing of my own. I decided that Mr. Berry isn't completely wrong, but he also isn't completely right either. Recent reports of deep space activity, when audio graphed and compressed into a PNG have shown millions of people just what the men in black have always feared. The universe is full of life and some of it really likes to swear. This makes sense right?

What doesn't make sense is how much we can understand of that swearing. Like, we've always fantasized that English was universal but here's evidence! Which is stupid. So maybe these aliens are just time travelers from the future or maybe a whole other universe entirely?

What if the universe is comprised of more large scale stuff, maybe 12 aspects to align with the zodiac. Hey, if deep space can say fuck then we might as well throw all reasoning out the window, yeah? So twelve things that make up the universe. Space, time, thought, water, life, death, energy, will, individuality, chance, love, and fire.

Everything in our daily lives! If you like this theory make sure to reblog it and share on facebook, twitter, instagram, linkedin, myspace...

-arachnidsGrip [AG] has started trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at ?:?:? on ?/?/2019-

****Intercepted on 12-06-2019 by H. E. Brooks AID82715.1****

AG: Hey shit pan.

CG: WELL, WELL, WELL. WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE.

CG: IS THIS ANOTHER ADMISSION OF GUILT FROM THE SPIDER BITCH? HAS SHE FINALLY PULLED HER ENTIRE FUCKING HEAD OUT OF HER ASS?

CG: DOTH MINE OWN GANDERBULBS LIE TO ME? DOTH MINE OWN PAN SUGGEST SUCH UTTER PREDISPOSITIONED EXPECTATIONS?

CG: IS THIS TRULY A MESSAGE FROM ON YONDER? HATH GAMZEES WEIRD ASS FUCKING GODS PLUCKED ME STRAIGHT FROM MY OWN FUCKING HIVE TO GIVE ME A CRAPPY FAYGO SCENTED AWARD ENTITLED: "HEY KARKAT HERES THE SPIDER BITCH READY TO TELL YOU ABOUT YET ANOTHER BUMBLE SHE HAS GONE AND FUCKED STRAIGHT TO HELL AND NOW WANTS YOU TO FIX OUT OF SOME EGOTISTCAL NEED FOR SUPERIORITY CONGRATS YOU GET TO DEAL WITH IT."

AG: ONE time I fuck up.

AG: Can you take your windy nonsense and just shove it for a 8it?

AG: Shove it straight up your dusty unused nook may8e?

CG: NO.

CG: EITHER DEAL WITH MY SHITTY PERSONALITY LIKE THE REST OF US OR DIE YOU FUCKING OBTUSE SACK OF SAD BUMBLEFUCKS.

AG: I'd rather die than listen to your half-8aked "leadership" dri88les anyways.

AG: 8ut since you're INSISTING on acting like the captain despite what little actual leaderly qualities you H8VE.

AG: I thought you would LIKE to know that I found them. A few nights ago, even.

CG: WHAT?

CG: WHY DIDN'T YOU ***OPEN*** WITH THAT?

AG: Who am I to interrupt your 8lowhole time?

CG: JEGUS FUCKING CHRIST VRISKA THERE IS LITERALLY ONLY ONE REASON WE ARE OUT IN SPACE. THERE IS ONE FUCKING REASON AND YOU DECIDE TO LET ME SPOUT BULLSHIT RATHER THAN ACTUALLY MOVE US ALONG ON OUR FUCKING MISSION.

CG: BUT NO YOU JUST ***********HAD*********** TO MAKE IT CLEAR HOW MUCH YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE ACTUALLY GETTING ANYTHING DONE THAT DOESN'T DIRECTLY BENEFIT YOU.

CG: THIS IS MONUMENTAL. WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO BE A PIECE OF SHIT ABOUT IT?

CG: SERIOUSLY, TELL ME. I'M DOWNRIGHT ENTHRALLED AT THIS POINT IN THE VRISKA SAGA.

CG: WHAT IN THE BLISTERING ASTRAL VOMIT OF A SOLAR SYSTEM COULD HAVE POSSIBLY SEDUCED YOU ENOUGH TO KEEP THIS FROM THE REST OF US FOR SO LONG

CG: THE ANTICIPATION HAS REACHED THROUGH MY SCREEN AND IS PROCEEDING TO STRANGLE ME WITHIN AN INCH OF MY MISERABLE LIFE.

CG: OH PLEASE VRISKA EASE THIS FUCKING BURDEN ON MY SHOULDERS. RID ME OF MY CURIOSITY. SATE MY INFERNAL DESIRES BEFORE I SELF DESTRUCT UNDER THE PRESSURE OF THESE NEFARIOUS CLAWS WRAPPED AROUND MY WIND PIPE.

CG: GO ON, THEN.

AG: You done?

CG: IS THAT A CHALLENGE?

AG: 8GH N8!

AG: I found John. He was making a stupid video on some video sharing site so I dropped him a fun little message.

AG: 8ecause I have initiative and know how to get! Shit! Done!

CG: GREAT SO YOU FOUND JOHN.

CG: WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?

AG: How many times will I have to tell you to cool your fucking jets!

AG: Everyone else is there too.

AG: Not on the we8site unfortunately.

AG: 8ut 8ecause I'm just that good, I found them anyways. Probably why I took the extra time to be TH8ROUGH? HMMMMM?

AG: You can start thanking me any day now fyi.

CG: YOU FOUND DAVE?

CG: AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE?

AG: DUH.

AG: Now stop yelling at me and get your ass in gear!

AG: I, for one, want to get the 8and 8ack together as soon as fucking possi8le.

CG: HOLY SHIT.

AG: I know.

AG: Feel free to appreci8 me for the next ten sweeps.

CG: THANKS VRISKA.

CG: OH, GAG, I'LL NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN.

CG: FOR ONCE YOU'VE PROVED SOME COMPETENCE.

CG: GET EVERYONE ON THE MAIN DECK IT'S TIME WE LAND THIS FUCKING DISASTER OF A SHIP.

AG: Do it yourself, l8ser!

CG: VRISKA GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.

CG: DON'T YOU DARE CLOSE OUT ON ME BEFORE I CAN CHEW YOU OUT.

-arachnidsGrip [AG] has stopped trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at ?:?:? on ?/?/2019-

_Where I go, will you still follow?_

_Will you leave your shaded hollow?_

_Will you greet the daylight looming,_

_Learn to love without consuming?_

_(Thus Always To Tyrants, The Oh Hellos)_


	4. TG: puzzle it over bb

INCIDENT REPORT

Officer: James Aregbe

Offender: John Egbert

Location: Inclade Public Aquatic Center & Pool

Date: June 8th, 2019

Description of Events: John attacked employees of the Aquatic Center with spray cheese on video for a Tik Tok. The video can be seen here: /IqT6zt

John did not deny guilt and waited in holding for his family to come and pick him up. A fine of $250 was issued to the family.

-turntechGodhead [TG] has opened memo "shit lets raid area 51" on 31/07/2019 at 09:21:00-

-turntechGodhead [TG] has invited tentacleTherapist [TT], timaeusTestified [TT], tipsyGnostalgic [TG], ectoBiologist [EB], gardenGnostic [GG], gustyGumshoe [GG], golgothasTerror [GT], and hyperawareLegume [HAL] to chat-

****Intercepted on 31-07-2019 by J. L. Madison AID34589.2****

TG: sup my dudes

TT: Good, you're awake. We need to get groceries today. Come on out when you're ready to go.

TG: ...

TG: bruh

TG: read chat names smfh

TG: i dont need my best friends knowing about groceries

TT: Why not? Are you embarassed about eating, Dave?

TT: Perhaps you don't want them knowing about your preference for four-ply toilet paper?

TT: Or maybe this is about all the time you spend poking at the lobsters.

TG: dirk oh my fucking god i am going to strangle you with your old kneesocks

GG: dont worry dave!

GG: i like playing with the lobsters too!

TG: thanks harley

TT: See, you had nothing to fear.

EB: hahahahahahahahaha!

TG: you speak too soon traitor

TT: Whoops.

EB: thats so adorable!

EB: little davey wavey likes to play with the lobster tank awwwww

TG: dirk i blame you

TT: Valid.

GG: so why did you make this memo?

TG: hold up

TG: we gotta wait for everyone to be on for this

GG: why?

EB: why?

GG: jinx!

EB: no! FUCK! :O

TG: cause this is all very important information and i dont wanna say it all over again

TG: or like make people scroll 5ever just to get on the same page

TG: its just easier for everyone

TG: that makes sense!

TG: thanks rox

GG: jake is out hunting the mail so he wont be on for a while :p

EB: jane is being dumb!

TG: idk where rosie is

TG: mm

TG: mmhm

TG: okay so this is not ideal

TT: I'm sure our friends can pass on a simple message.

TG: i mean

TG: i guess

HAL: I'm taking notes to send to everyone after we're done.

HAL: Why? Because I'm amazing and deserve praise. Also because no one else was going to do it.

TG: thanks hal

HAL: (▰˘◡˘▰)

TG: aight cool so lets get down to business

TG: plane tickets

TT: Handled.

TT: For everyone.

TG: wh

TG: when did you do that and with what money

TG: mom helped ;p

GG: can you thank her for me?

TG: yea sure!

GG: sweet! thanks!

TG: np jade!

EB: wait so like everyone?

TT: Everyone.

EB: when?

TT: Depends. You and Jane are leaving September 15th. Jade and Jake are leaving September 12th. Dave and I are leaving on the 15th as well, while Rose and Roxy are leaving the 14th.

EB: holy balls

TT: I know.

TG: okay what about a hotel?

TG: ooh! i took care of that one!

TG: i rented out five good rooms all with double beds

TG: the hotel has a water slide AND a sauna!

GG: wow!

HAL: Damn.

TG: also we get a continental breakfast every day were there so bonus!

EB: isnt that like hotel standard though?

TG: idk ive never stayed in a hotel before

TG: yeah its pretty much the standard but its still a sweet deal

TG: uwu thxxxxx

EB: wait what about school?

TT: What about it?

EB: we still have to go to it right?

EB: no way my dad will let me and jane just skip a whole week to dick around in nevada!

TG: you could always lie

EB: no! dave what the fuck!

TG: what?

TG: its a good suggestion

GG: is there a holiday on the 15th?

HAL: Not yet.

EB: huh?

GG: huh?

EB: JINX!

GG: jinx!

GG: damn it!

EB: ha HAH!

HAL: I'm also working on clearing your schedule for the 15th and onwards. If your dad still wants you to get an education I can set up some online classes while we're there.

TG: ha ha john gets homework

EB: wait

TG: cmon john lets go raid area 51 and meet some aliens

TG: oh wait

EB: dave no

TG: you need to finish your algebra homework first?

TG: damn ok no aliens for you

TG: keep the hotel room warm for us bro

EB: dave

TG: be the mamma egg for the hotel room

TG: pop a squat right over the radiator and clench

TG: clench

TG: even harder john keep on clenching

EB: dave

TG: boom theres the momma heat all over the room now

TG: how toasty

TG: how comfortable

TG: its like being swaddled in love and care thank god you missed out on all the fun john you just made this room the perfect temp for our new alien buddies they all love you john

TG: oh shit theyre imprinting

EB: dave please

TG: you are the momma alien bird it is you

TT: Dave.

TG: yeah?

TT: Please focus.

TG: kk

TG: so before we get even more caried away

EB: speak for yourself

TG: shhhh adults are talking

GG: he he he he he!

EB: ughhhhhhhh

TG: so anyways

TG: are we absolutely sure there are actual aliens in area 51

TG: before we all get arrested or like shot

TG: or even worse we waste all that money for nothing

GG: it wouldnt be for nothing!

GG: wed finally be meeting up

GG: thats gotta count for at least 3/4 of this whole thing!

TG: damn youre right harley

GG: of course i am ;0

TG: dont worry ab that either!

TG: me n dirk have been working on combing thru their outgoing messages

TG: youve been hacking area 51s mainframe?

TT: Please, Dave, you know that's not how that works.

EB: its not?

TT: No.

GG: then whats it like?

TT: Do you want to explain or should I?

TG: i can do it!

TT: Take it away.

TG: thx!

TG: so what we wanna do is get into the stuff they thinks is supes important ie whatever theyre sendin out of the base

TG: the easiest way to do this is to bust into their cloud storage but its the gov so they have a wicked gnarly vpn

TG: but not just any vpn

TG: an ethernet vpn

TG: super tricky

TG: to get inbto those you gotta have a com on site and hooked up

TG: p fuckin difficult for most humans

TG: but we got hal B)

HAL: Hell yeah you do. Up top *high fives*

TG: hell yea *high fives*

TG: sp hally zipped on over and got us access so we could see their email chains

TG: we dont need to go any deeper than that rlly

TG: weve got the files stored on harddrive n me n dirk r gonna video call ab em later tonight see whats important and whats not

TG: be cool and classy haxor spies hehehe

TT: Damn straight.

TG: gay*

TT: Damn gay.

GG: woooooaaaaahhhhh!

EB: wow

TG: okay thats cool

TG: so well get answers to that question in a couple days

TG: are there any other questions?

GG: are there? :o

TG: i dont think so?

TG: probably not

EB: ive got one!

TG: no you dont

EB: you cant stop me!

TG: i can and i will

EB: with what?

TG: fuckin

TG: uh

TG: deez nuts

EB: youll have to try harder than that sucker!

EB: hey roxy!

TG: yea?

TG: fuck

EB: youre cute ;B

TG: oh!

TG: thanks john!

TG: youre p cute too

EB: thanks roxy!

TG: john choose your last words very carefully

EB: eat shit dave!

-ectoBiologist [EB] has left the memo at 9:47:06 on 31/07/2019-

TG: hhhhhhhohmygoddddddddddddddddddddddddydddsymsysryrdukfytfmmdtynfreshsettrstydmfu,ygiuotdisryzrwHACrts7fi;PiydjteAjeats

TT: That's a long keyboard smash.

TG: no

TG: really

HAL: Woah! The sarcasm meters are off the charts!

TG: i think we got a case of angsty teen!

TT: I agree. One angsty teen is definitly in this memo.

TG: jade back me up here

GG: sorry dave i dont help angsty teens!

TG: well

TG: fuck

TG: goodnight

GG: but its 9 am isnt it?

TG: only if you slept

TT: Dave.

TG: peace

-turntechGodhead [TG] has left the memo at 9:49:22 on 31/07/2019-

Crossing The Water by Sylvia Plath

Black lake, black boat, two black, cut-paper people.

Where do the black trees go that drink here?

Their shadows must cover Canada.

A little light is filtering from the water flowers.

Their leaves do not wish us to hurry:

They are round and flat and full of dark advice.

Cold worlds shake from the oar.

The spirit of blackness is in us, it is in the fishes.

A snag is lifting a valedictory, pale hand;

Stars open among the lilies.

Are you not blinded by such expressionless sirens?

This is the silence of astounded souls.

"Audio Record #69.69.69 on HAL SECURE SKAIA NET"

_DSO: Hal change the file name.

_HAL: No it's perfect

_DSO: Fine. Keep this one under wraps. No more glitches.

_HAL: Yes your majesty

_HAL: FMG you better not start shit over this file

_FMG: intlloope_ #69.69.69/loop

_HAL: Nope

_HAL: nulluser_FMG/commands/null

_FMG: intlkeyuser/main/com_ #alpha/key

_HAL: 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011

_HAL: -open filename#69.69.69 user:FMG

_FMG: intlloope_wipetext.00.01.00/loop

_HAL: WIPE IN PROGRESS...5 SECONDS REMAINING

Audio Transcript Recorded: Skype Call Between 06.12 & 08.04 at 20:21:49 on 31/07/2019

Taken from HAL SSN by Fionna M. Ghas AID46881.4

Designations: "ROXY LALONDE" & "DIRK STRIDER"

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

ROXY: Sup DiStri?

DIRK: Sup with you RoLal?

ROXY: Got some instant noodles on hand, bonus tonight though! Rose made me some tea, she said it helps with getting sleepy!

DIRK: That's wholesome as fuck.

DIRK: Before we crack into the shit have you noticed the weird pings?

ROXY: Elaaaaborate please.

DIRK: Whenever we open a chat there's a short second where I've seen a third party join. There's no trace of anyone else actually in the chat but Hal said he noticed echo pings whenever we sent something.

DIRK: I was wondering if you've seen anything or if I'm just hallucinating again.

ROXY: Would Hal really try and prank you with that sort of thing though?

DIRK: Why not. He's got the emotional maturity of me circa 4 years ago. Bet he still things the number 69 is funny.

ROXY: Give him some credit, please.

DIRK: Hmm. I'll think about it.

ROXY: Mkay, well, I'm lookin' over stuff right now aaaaand hmm...

DIRK: Good hmm?

ROXY: It's some kinda hmm that's for sure.

ROXY: I'm seeing...somethin...I have no idea what the fuck it is but like it's there.

DIRK: What is it?

ROXY: It's a line of code.

DIRK: Just one?

ROXY: Yeah, the only reason I can tell is 'cause they're using the Intel Core admin designation instead of my usual vanilla HTML. Which is super weird? My processor shouldn't be adding shit to my chat archive.

DIRK: That is weird.

ROXY: Yeah. It doesn't look like it's doing anything? But who knows.

DIRK: Hal said it was some sort of glitch when we were talking about it.

ROXY: Well he would know, right?

DIRK: Right.

DIRK: Anyways. Which files did you pick apart today?

ROXY: I picked files 004.01.08 through 010.04.06, it was just four files but they were all super degraded. I'm pretty sure they're profiles of some kind.

ROXY: You?

DIRK: I went through general files, recipts, resource orders, shift schedules, pay period, all that stuff.

DIRK: I noticed three people in particular are very important at that base.

DIRK: No names, yet, but I also found a helpful cheatsheet with some designation codes. They're related to single keywords, probably some kind of governement thing. They're all fairly abstract though, so I have no fucking clue what they relate to.

ROXY: Oh? Give me the sheet!

DIRK: Mm. Sending.

ROXY: Cool.

ROXY: Okay, what do we have here?

ROXY: Space, .01. Time, .02. Mind, .03. Heart, .04...

ROXY: Dirk...

ROXY: This makes no sense...

ROXY: Hold on, let me apply them to the files I picked through.

ROXY: Do you know where these designations go?

DIRK: The very end, I think.

ROXY: Alright. Then we've got 004.01.08, Blood. 003.02.10, Doom. 007.03.03, Mind. 010.04.06, Rage.

ROXY: Mmmmmmmnope still confused.

DIRK: Well, we should make a note of it anyways.

ROXY: 'Kay, I'm jottin' it down on my handy dandy notebook.

DIRK: No fridge magnets tonight?

ROXY: Oh please.

ROXY: Rose stole all the b's I can't make any good sentence without my b's!

ROXY: What's your excuse?

DIRK: No magnets in the first place.

ROXY: A good excuse.

DIRK: Of course it is.

ROXY: What next? We've practically picked this entire drive clean.

DIRK: Not sure yet. I might send Hal back in, see if he can pick up any more juicy bits for us to investigate.

ROXY: Oh! Maybe we should ask Jane what to do!

DIRK: Aren't you still...? Y'know?

ROXY: We talked it over some more and I think we're cool. I mean, she's still avoiding me, but if you ask I'm sure it'll work out!

DIRK: That doesn't sound cool.

ROXY: Yeah, well, it is.

DIRK: Okay.

-silence for 00:00:12-

DIRK: I like your haircut by the way. It suits you.

ROXY: Thanks, I didn't know what to think at first but having it shaved mostly off is uh.

ROXY: I dunno, freeing?

DIRK: I get that. Should we call it a night?

ROXY: Nah, not yet. I've still gotta finish showing you pigs in space! Muppets is still cool with you right?

DIRK: Jim Henson is a god among men.

ROXY: I'll take that as a yes!

DIRK: Yes. I've got time to watch Muppets tonight. Tomorrow the hospital appoints me and Dave a therapist.

ROXY: Is that good?

DIRK: Probably. If there's anyone who could use therapy for both themselves and others' sakes it's me.

ROXY: Okay well step one!

ROXY: Stop putting yourself down like that!

ROXY: Sugar coat shit even if it's only one tiny small things among the bad. You gotta dock the ship before the crew can start repairs.

ROXY: Oh! And journal!

DIRK: Thanks for the advice, Rox.

ROXY: I got it from Rose.

DIRK: Then tell her I love her next time you see her for me.

ROXY: Will do!

ROXY: She loves you too.

DIRK: Oh thank god. Whatever would I have done without her reciprocated familial love.

ROXY: Hush up, you dork! I've got the Muppets ready. Tell me when.

DIRK: When.

END TRANSMISSION

File 010.04.06

Name: G M

Aspect: Rage

AAID04.06

Interrogations: FAILED

Status: SUBDUED

Incidents: FOURTEEN

Reaction to ASPECT: Destruction, Unending Stamina

Block: Henry

File 007.03.03

Name: T P

Aspect: Mind

AAID03.03

Interrogations: INCONCLUSIVE

Status: HEALTHY

Incidents: TWO

Reaction to ASPECT: Heightened Sight, Knowledge of Future Events- Unproven

Block: Henry

File 003.02.10

Name: S C

Aspect: Doom

AAID02.10

Interrogations: SUCCESSFUL

Edit: FAILED 07/30/2019

Status: HEALTHY

Incidents: ONE

Reaction to ASPECT: Hears Voices of the Newly Dead, Electrokinisis- Unproven

Block: Medina

File 004.01.08

Name: K V

Aspect: Blood

AAID01.08

Interrogations: SUCCESSFUL

Status: SUBDUED

Incidents: SEVEN

Reaction to ASPECT: Manipulation- Active, Empathy

Block: Henry

_If you're something more than flesh_

_Ascended_

_And you've taken on the rest_

_To end it_

_Then she'll find you in a dream_

_Tormented_

_Godhunter's gonna hunt you down_

_(Godhunter, by The Aviators)_


End file.
